Pain and Joy

-Pain is taking my baby to her 18 month well child check-up and having the doctor find a lump in her tummy.
-Pain is being sent to an ultrasound thinking she had an enlarged liver.
-Pain is getting a call from the doctor to go immediately to the hospital, pack a bag, and call my husband.
-Pain is driving to the hospital in silence with my husband, not knowing what to say, fears blaring through both our minds.
-Pain is getting a CAT SCAN done on my baby girl.
-Pain is hearing the word cancer coming out of the doctors mouth, feeling my heart stop, and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that our baby girl has an inoperable cancerous tumor near her spine.
-Pain is comforting my baby while getting poked and proded, and not being able to explain why we dont stop the pain.
-Pain is crying out "NO!" while coming out of sleep because I remembered that my baby girl has CANCER and the next day she was having surgery.
-Pain is my husband waking up to my sobs, then wrapping our bodies as tightly as possible together and crying in each others arms.
-Pain is sitting in bed with our backs against the wall talking about the "if's" and planning on what kind of attitude we were going to have through this journey God had thrust us into.
-Pain is saying "We will enjoy our girl, no matter how long we have with her.  We dont want to have regrets about being sad all the time.  We need to be strong for her."
-Pain is falling back into a restless sleep.
-Pain is waking the next day and handing my girl over to the surgeons to have surgery on three different places on her little body.
-Pain is listening to her cry, weak from pain, and not being able to take it away.
-Pain is sending her into more tests the next day, that will cause her more pain.  And not being able to touch her or comfort her due to radiation in her body.

-Joy is knowing we have hope in a Saviour.
-Joy is knowing that He has a plan, even through this difficult journey.
-Joy is holding my husbands hand through this awful time.
-Joy is seeing the love my husband has for his whole family.
-Joy is finding new friends in a difficult time.
-Joy is having friends and family willing to help with anything.
-Joy is having another day with our beautiful girl.
-Joy is the community of Christ.
-Joy is knowing that there are SO MANY people praying for us.
-Joy is being blown away by the generosity of others.
-Joy is knowing that even if we dont get to raise our girl as long as we want, that someday we will be with her again.
-Joy is knowing that we can find balm for our souls in Gods promises to us.
-Joy is knowing that we will grow in our faith through this painful time.